Becoming a mom through adoption has opened my eyes to things that I used to be blind to. Of course we know families come in all shapes and sizes but are we really talking to our kids about it?
Since we've been home with Asher, we have been very open about the fact that he is adopted from China. We talk about China a lot, show him pictures and we read a lot of books about adoption. He loves watching the video I made of our trip and seems very proud already that he is from China. If you ask him about it, his response is usually "Cha? (China) Me!" Although Asher may be proud of it, all it could take is one mean comment or even a badly phrased comment from a peer to break down the progress that we've made with helping Asher be comfortable with his life story.
As a parent it's natural for us to worry about everything in regards to our kids. Are they safe? Are they eating the right foods? Are they learning the right things? Are they making friends? Are they getting picked on? And the list goes on and on. Let's face it, kids can be mean. I hate saying that but working in the school environment, I see it almost daily. Kids are very obvious of others and they know what is different and sadly sometimes they target that. For myself as an adoptive parent, I worry about that on another level. Will Asher's peers ever pick on him or say unkind things to him about being adopted?
Kids are very observant and are very naturally curious. We have already encountered a few curious questions from his daycare peers about him looking different than me. I've also had a kid tell me that Asher talks like a baby. Luckily he didn't hear that but I nicely told the three year old girl that he was just still learning to say his words the right way. But I won't lie, a small part of me cried inside because I worry about what other comments await in the future.
So back to my original topic...are you talking to your kids about adoption (and/or foster care)? I think that it is important for children to learn about the different types of families and how families don't always look the same. This could possibly prevent future questions that aren't meant to be hurtful but could be very detrimental to a child. For example, a kid asking another kid why they couldn't be with their birth mother. Or possibly worse, saying that they weren't wanted by their birth parents. You may be reading this and thinking that this wouldn't happen or my child would never say this, but in this day and age it is never too early to be proactive and help your children learn about these topics.
There are plenty of cute, age appropriate books out there that talk about how families come in all shapes and sizes. A few of our favorites are:
Here are a few good additional resources: